I am an... Karma now.

App #2

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 09:29:54 GMT

Character: Franziska von Karma
Series: Phoenix Wright
Character Age: 18

Canon: The year is 2018, and in the court of law, there is only one truth. Believe in yourself and your client, and that truth will prevail! This is the credo of a good defense attorney, but Franziska von Karma doesn't care about that. The only thing a defense attorney is good for is a good whipping! After all, Franziska is the German prosecuting prodigy who became a lawyer at what might have been the tender age of thirteen if "tender" were a word applicable to one of her legendary lineage. To a von Karma, perfection is a way of life, and Franziska had a flawless career for five years before flying out to America to get her revenge on her little brother, Miles Edgeworth, by beating the defense attorney he never could: Mr. Phoenix Wright.

Franziska likes to call people fools, and will do so to amazing amounts of redundancy. She also likes to whip people. A lot.

Sample Post:

When traveling to a new country (or a festering zombie swamp outside of the normal spectrum of space-time), even the most perfect of prosecutors require a measure of adjustment. Much as you wouldn't use a riding crop to carve your intial into a tree, you shouldn't use a courtroom-ordaned disciplining whip to fend off the undead! Do you think that these heels were meant to crush skulls? They are only for crushing men's spirits!

So why, you ask, am I whipping the wildlife with my prosecuting whip, in my prosecuting heels and prosecuting suit which, incidentally, costs enough to make a defense attorney weep? The answer to that is as plain as the nose that was previously on this ghoul's face: I'm not supposed to be here today! Is it normal for American pilots to mistake LAX for heavily-wooded areas in Lousiana? Perhaps it's similarly easy for a travel agent to mix up "I wish to visit my little brother" with, "I wish to travel to a putrid, corpse-filled marsh in a time whose laughably archaic legal system still features juries." Honestly, 'innocent until proven guilty'? If I hadn't already been studying law at eight years old, I would be laughing at that unfunny joke!

But mark my words: The foolishly foolish fools whose foolhardy foolishness fooled up my perfect flight plan will not go unpunished! My lash against their careers will be far more painful than my lashes against their backs could ever be! They'll have less right to habeas corpus than a decapitated zombie!

Speaking of which, while I may not have had the time to brush up on your silly 2008 laws, I can tell you right now that one cannot commit murder on a body that is not initially living. Perhaps you were thinking to charge me with corpse desecration? By the very definition of the word, you cannot desecrate something that is already unholy! I wouldn't convict me, and I'm the harshest prosecutor I know!

Incidentally, I will be looking into all of your cases. I may be stuck in a fetid pit stinking of rotting flesh and unresolved sexual tension, but that's certainly no excuse to go on vacation. As they say in this country: "When in Rome, whip the Romans!"

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Harry Potter AU

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 19:25:08 GMT

Name: Franziska von Karma
House: Slytherin
Talent: Whipomancy
Wand: Franziska needs no wand! Franziska has a MAGICAL WHIP.
Teaching Position: None as of yet. If Edgeworth is gonna be in it, she's here to try to steal his job. If not, Phoenix's. :Db
Other:

Franziska was a teacher at Durmstrang, but she recently moved to Hogwarts to meet with the betrothed chosen by her father; the last scion of the only wizarding family worthy to contribute to the von Karma bloodline... Il Palazzo. It was him or Kabapu.

OK Cupid thingy

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 16:39:24 GMT

The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

Your exact female opposite:
The Playstation

Random Gentle Sex Master

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy (RGSM), The Loverboy (RGLM)

CONSIDER: The Manchild (RBLD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

...so who's surprised that Franziska is the same kind of lover as Il Palazzo? NOT I.

[CFUW 44 - Locked to Wilhelm]

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 08:03:41 GMT

I suppose I should probably speak with you as well, Mr. Wilhelm.

TODAY I WROTED ABOUT MY PAPA

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 06:05:19 GMT

No one would have expected the final trial of Manfred von Karma, forty-time winner of the Nobel Prosecuting Prize, to feature him as the defendant. Really, you could barely even call it a trial. After Phoenix Wright had essentially proved him guilty of murder, conspiracy to murder, and general psychotic dickery, this was little more than a formality. Still, you couldn't shake a von Karma. He took the whole thing with the grace and dignity brought about by billions of years of evolution superior to that of mere humans... at least, he did once he stopped screaming.

Once incarcerated, Manfred von Karma was a model prisoner. He sat quietly in his cell and wrote his autobiography, and if the criminals in the cells around him were found swinging from the ceiling or asphyxiated on their own tongue... well, the guards weren't about to interrupt his silence with their investigation into it.

Manfred von Karma maintained a fair amount of contact with the outside world. He was too good to answer the fanmail, but he continued to keep up normal correspondence and he updated his last will and testament, as he did on all even-numbered days. He did not speak to his family, not wanting to taint them with his dishonor (whatever dishonor murdering anyone so insignificacnt as a defense attorney could truly bring one), and he did not speak to his own defense attorney, though he had taken care to import the most prestigious one that would take his case.

Even as he waited for the trial to start, von Karma did not dignify his representation with his superiority. Indeed, he only looked up from his newspaper when it became apparent that someone was brutally attacking the guard.

"Papa!" cried Franziska von Karma, who didn't seem particularly affected or inconvenienced by the fact that she was not supposed to be there.

"Hello, Strudel," he said. "Are you looking forward to the trial today?"

"Papa..." she said, and her composure cracked. Tears welled up in her eyes. "Papa, I don't think I can--"

The echo of his backhand rang through the lobby (and perhaps the guard might have done something about it if he weren't lying crumpled in a heap where Franziska had left him). "There wil be no sniveling," he said, "You are a von Karma, and you will be my successor. You are going to go out there and you will prosecute me to the full extent of the law, like I prosecuted my father before me, and he prosecuted his father before him!"

At this point, the neglected defense attorney decided to speak up. "What's going on here? You can't be prosecuted by your own--"

Manfred von Karma tasered him swiftly. Some criminals found smuggling in tasers to be merely expensive; to a von Karma, it was priceless. His daughter couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you, Papa," she said. "It'll be over in less than twenty minutes."

"Good," he said, with an approving nod.

Franziska drew herself up to her full height and strode away with fresh confidence. At the door, after she'd stepped over the body of the beaten guard, she paused and turned her head. "Papa?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to get you the death penalty."

Manfred von Karma smiled what he thought to be a rather pleasant smile, and it might have been, for a shark. "That's my girl."

[CFUW 44 - Locked to Mr. Ohtori Kyouya]

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 00:08:05 GMT

Here we are, then. A nice place for private discussion.

[Cry Wolf 44 - Locked to Sparky]

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 23:02:29 GMT

How's your practice going, Sparky? Let me see a good swing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MILES EDGEWORTH

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 09:26:03 GMT

Okay, I probably fail at writing kids but SHE'S A VON KARMA AND U LOVE IT GO

Edgeworth didn't answer the knock on his office door, but this was not unusual in and of itself. Phoenix peeked in with a tentative, "Are you there?"

He was indeed there, but he didn't deign to acknowledge the defense attorney's presence or, indeed, his existence. Instead, he stared intently at a large, handmade card on his desk. It stood nearly two feet tall and looked as though it had been designed by a small child, covered with splotches of confetti and glitter. Chunks of glued ramen spelled out the words, "Happy Birthday, pal!"

(Poor Gumshoe. He must not have been able to afford macaroni), thought Phoenix grimly. "You didn't tell me it was your birthday," he said.

"It isn't," replied Edgeworth, pushing the card into his desk with nonchalance.

Phoenix opened his mouth to object, but a shrill cry of "MILES EDGEWORTH!" cut into his thoughts just as a whip cut into his back.

Though, whatever complaint he had with Franziska von Karma's entrance, at least she stepped over his body.

"Hello, Franziska," said Edgeworth.

Franziska's arms were brimming with flowers, boxes, bottles, cards, candies, fine cheeses, articles of clothing, and enough jewelry to choke Redd White. She spread it all on Edgeworth's desk with a fluorish. "There," she said. "What do you think of that?"

"It's nice," Edgeworth replied, not really looking.

Phoenix gaped. If this is what passed as 'nice' between rich people, he was seriously going to have to try winning the lottery or using Maya's magatama to cheat at poker.

"It's very nice," Franziska corrected with the patented von Karma finger-waggle. "I may be having the most perfect birthday ever. Did anyone give you anything?"

Edgeworth tapped his fingers on the desk. One could tell that from his perspective, the conversation had already ended, and at this point he was merely waiting for her exit. "Nothing."

Franziska's eyes narrowed. "I don't think you're even trying, Miles Edgeworth."

Edgeworth shrugged, and Phoenix considered whether sneaking out of the room would be worth the additional pain that moving would cause his back.

Suddenly, Franziska reached into the pile of gifts. She dug out a bottle of wine with a ribbon around the neck and shoved it into Edgeworth's arms. "I don't like this vintage. You can have it if you're going to be so pitiful about this! And as punishment for your loss, you can pay the costs to ship all of this back to Germany!"

With that she was off again, stepping past a scurrying Phoenix and cracking her whip for good measure.

"Wait a minute," said Phoenix. "How did she manage to whip me before, when her arms were full?"

"It's one of her many talents," replied Edgeworth, who was already clearing off a spot off his desk large enough to do paperwork off of.

"And... what just happened? Is it your birthday or hers?"

"Hers." Edgeworth turned the wine bottle over in his hands. "It's a long story..."

"It may be having the most perfect birthday ever," said a five-year-old Franziska von Karma. She did not direct this commentary to the children her own age, because the children her age were foolish, and in any event, most of them were already in tears. "Isn't it perfect, Miles Edgeworth?"

"If you say so," replied Miles Edgeworth, who had known better to think that sitting in a corner with a book would make him invisible, and yet had dared to hope.

Franziska squinted at him like an angry, rabid squirrel. "Why aren't you doing anything? Aren't you having fun?"

Miles did not point out that there were a number of things he would rather be doing, none of which involved small children. He did not point out that he was too old for a bouncy castle, even if it was ten stories tall, or his suspicions as to the legality of the genetically engineered dinosaurs. He said, "I'm fine."

"You're lying," she said. "You're jealous. You're jealous because your birthday party wasn't as perfect as this one."

"I didn't have a birthday party," he replied, a tiny drop of emo leaking from the Ziplock bag of his soul.

Franziska pondered this statement, and it occurred to her that she couldn't remember any birthday parties for her little brother, not even one. "Why not? Do you not have a birthday because you're adopted?"

He sighed. "Everyone has a birthday, Franziska."

"But you don't have parties. Why don't you ask Papa to throw you a party?"

Miles did not point out Franziska was the only one who got away with asking Manfred von Karma for anything, let alone anything so childish as a birthday party. He didn't point out that there was no one in Germany for him to invite, or that it wouldn't be the same without his father around. He said, "I'm not interested in parties."

There was a long moment as Franziska considered this, head cocked to one side. Then she hit him. "Stupid fool! You're going to have a birthday whether you like it or not!" She grabbed him by the arm and yanked. Franziska wasn't really old enough to understand that she wasn't actually strong enough to pull around people much larger than herself, and it didn't help that nearly everyone humored her.

But Miles Edgeworth did not budge. "Franziska..."

"This is enough party for ten birthdays!"

"It's enough for a hundred."

"It's enough for two!" she insisted, adding prudently, "As long as my half is bigger."

For the first time since she'd started speaking to him, Miles Edgeworth marked his place in the book and actually looked at her. There was that stubborn, determined expression that she had on her face... well, nearly all of the time. "Franziska..."

She hit him again. Franziska hit deceptively hard for a five-year-old, but Miles was deceptively tough for someone who had already taken to wearing magenta. He sighed, mentally resigning himself to a fate of entertaining a creature less than half his age for the rest of the evening. "All right, Franziska. If you insist."

Franziska, delighted to see that her superhuman dragging-people strength had returned, gleefully began pulling him to and fro. "We'll play a game!" she said. "I'll win the game. And you can have the gifts that I don't want, and you can play with my friends, too! Just pick the ones that are sickly and straggly, okay?"

"This isn't actually a regift," said Miles Edgeworth as his flashback came to its conclusion. "I could charge her with buying alcohol in this country."

"Wait, wait, wait," said Phoenix. "Are you really telling me..."

"Yes, Wright, we celebrate our birthdays on the same day."

"Are you really telling me that von Karma had genetically engineered dinosaurs at her fifth birthday party?"

There was a long, awkward silence, in which Edgeworth put on his coat and started for the door.

"Hey!" protested Phoenix. "She... she doesn't still have them... does she?"

"I'll tell you about it later, Wright. I'm going to take Franziska out for dinner."

Phoenix tried to identify the look on his face. Was it sentimental? Wistful? Constipated?

"Yes," continued Miles Edgeworth. "Best to go before she has my tires slashed again."

Appearance meme

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 20:55:04 GMT

Clothing/appearance:
Franziska dresses in her perfect prosecutor outfit because she is a perfect prosecutor, and also because I don't really have any icons of her wearing anything else.

Habits/mannerisms/body language:
Franziska has a definite space bubble. She will not touch you (except by whipping) and she does not like to be touched. She is almost always tense and volatile, but when she feels some kind of victory in her grasp, she becomes calm and cool and smug beyond all smugness. She is intelligent and independent beyond her years, but on the ooooother hand, she also freaks out and whips people.

Current Residence:
The Lawyertarium.

Typical Daily Routine:
Franziska gets up early in the morning, and once she's done making herself a pretty prosecutorial princess and had a wholesome breakfast, she starts on her research. She tries to read camp posts, but she gets irritable and impatient and goes back to her notes. She also goes to the library quite a bit, but as often as not she will check out books and take them back to the Lawyertarium rather than actually staying there.

Favourite Haunts:
Lawyertarium, library, onsen.

Does she make her own bed?:
Perfectly so.

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 04:01:20 GMT

WARNING: FRANZISKA IS AN IRRATIONAL HARPY. SHE WILL WHIP YOU. IF YOU NEED TO ASK WHETHER YOU'VE BEEN WHIPPED, YOU HAVE BEEN. ALSO, DON'T DODGE THE WHIP UNLESS YOU'RE LIKE A NINJA OR SOMETHING, 'CAUSE THAT'S JUST LAME. COME ON, PEOPLE, A LITTLE SLAPSTICK COMEDY NEVER HURT ANYONE. EXCEPT FOR YOU, BECAUSE I'M IN UR BASE WHIPPING UR DOODS. Thank you.

...okay, okay, I made a REAL one.

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 05:14:08 GMT

Age: 18
Height: 162 cm (5'4") but the HEELS OF CRUSHING YOU probably add like two inches.
Weight: *THE WHIP*
Medical Info: A totally healthy teenage girl, though she has been shot in the shoulder.
Eyes: Kind of a silvery... steely... sometimes-green-tinted... blue! Yes, blue.
Hair: Blue

Physical Traits: SAY HELLO TO MY SHOULDER PADSSSSsssah
What's okay to mention: Anything, as long as you don't mind being brutally whipped! :Db But seriously, Franziska's a tough cookie. She can handle it.
Abilities: Oppressing witnesses, recruiting bitches, whipping things. Nothing supernatural.
Notes for psychics: Franziska is pretty straightforward, albeit kind of emotionally retarded.
Can I shapeshift/bodyswap/spit at/step on/etc?: Just give me a poke! I'm almost always on IRC, and when I'm not, I'm usually not planning to be online long enough to bother with.
Maim/Murder/Death: No thank you! Gosh, it feels weird having a character I don't want maimed. Comic violence is okay.
Cooking: Von Karmas do not cook. But von Karmas can cook, quite perfectly, in pink aprons, if Japanese fanart has taught us anyt—oh wait, that was the other von Karma. MY BAD.

I WROTED A STORY ABOUT A PONY

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 03:11:01 GMT

For a short time, Franziska's prepubescent life had revolved around ponies. Her papa had bought one for her when, bitterly jealous that he had brought Miles with him on his latest trip to America, she had taken their absence as free license to terrorize everyone in the manor. The bribe worked wonderfully, and in the next few weeks, everything was ponies; which breeds of ponies were superior, how one could properly discipline a pony, the ways in which a pony could injure anyone she chose to sic it upon. In this way, Franziska's life became a little less droll as she waited for the only people in the world who weren't total fools to come home.

As soon as they did, Franziska appeared like a flash in her brother's bedroom, all decked out in her riding gear. "Congratulations, Miles Edgworth," she said with no small amount of glee. "You get to entertain me today, and if you're lucky, I'll let you see my pony."

Miles had a book on his desk, the size of his desk, and he didn't bother to look up from it. "Not now," he said. "I'm studying."

This was not the correct answer. "There is nothing you can be studying that's as interesting as my pony. Now cease this foolery before I—"

"Franziska, please. Your father gave me these cases to read up on. I have to be prepared for law school."

This seemed a reasonable enough reason, so Franziska replied with a reasonable response... namely, whacking him upside the head with her riding crop and dashing out of the room.

Later, over dinner, her father asked her what she thought of her pony.

Franziska said, "It was a wonderful gift, Papa, and I enjoyed it very much. That having been said, I've outgrown it, and you can get rid of it now. It's time for me to start looking into law school."

She said, "I'm keeping the crop."

Stats and permissions meme

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 08:39:12 GMT

Sorry to disappoint you, but there are no "stats" or "permissions" to be found here. All you need to know is that, as a von Karma, I am vastly superior to you, likely to an extent of which you could not conceive. Furthermore, you have permission to do nothing. Begone, foolish fool who foolishly clicks every foolishly foolish link in a fool's internet!

*THE WHIP*

App

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 07:46:14 GMT

Character: Franziska von Karma
Series: Phoenix Wright
Character Age: 18

Canon: It's the year 2018, and due to the high crime rate, all criminal trials are concluded in three days, most with guilty verdicts. The world of Phoenix Wright is a high-intensity battle of wits between defense attorneys, witnesses lying at 20% of their true power, and hetero side characters. Enter Franziska von Karma, a German-raised prosecuting prodigy with a big cravat to fill. Daughter of the esteemed (albeit deranged) Manfred von Karma, Franziska is utterly obsessed with perfection. She loves to point out the foolishly foolish foolishness in others, usually by spouting off the word "fool' as many times as she can fit into a sentence. Franziska became a prosecutor at the age of 13, and has been whipping her way through legal cases since... literally. Her first trial against Phoenix Wright was the first case she had lost in her five-year career.

Note: The game highlights key words and phrases in orange.

Sample Post:

Ms. Elizabeth Sayre, you are more foolishly foolish than fool's gold mined in fool's paradise by foolishly foolish fools! Do you honestly think that you can get away with bringing me to this rank, dirty place and accusing me of murder? I am a von Karma. I wouldn't waste my time executing some no-name no one in the middle of nowhere! I'll be serving you not only with a subpoena, but a dry cleaning bill. Blood is one thing, but if my whip has so much as even one little stain from this ugly swamp or its undead inhabitants, I will see to it that you are sentenced the maximum penalty!

Enjoy what little time you have left, because I am already building a flawless case. Wrongful imprisonment, child endangerment, non-consentual beastiality, health code violations, fatal vore, tax evasion... just wait until I find out where you've been getting those hearts you've been hiding in all the candelabras!

Ah, but that is just the opening act. As an encore, I will prove not only that your name is not actually Ms. Elizabeth Sayre... but that there never was an Elizabeth Sayre to begin with! Gather round, campers, as I prove that this ridiculous "Director" you fear so foolishly is but a mere puppet of Mr. Stephen Debussey, who faked his own death in order to cover up the terrible truth of his fiancée's real identity...

His 'fiancée'? A horse.

My decisive witness is ambling to the stand as we speak. Witness! What is your name and occupation? ...As you can clearly hear, his name is Brian, and he is a brain surgeon. Do not give me those imbecilic stares! Of course I speak zombie! What are they teaching schoolchildren these da—

Excuse me? I know you didn't just interrupt me, because you can't have already forgotten what pain is! ...What do you mean, I can't prosecute here without a degree in internet lawyering? I'll pass your idiotic /b/ar test with my eyes closed! You... you fool-loving, foolishly fool-hardy... fooly McFool fools!

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